What a beautiful blog site.
All of your pictures are so inspiring. Thank you for sharing. I would love to share if only my satellite would upload without timing out....28-56K....yikes.
While trying to organize my office earlier, I came accross a CD and loaded in my pc. What a pleasant surprise to see if was of our class. I couldn't help but smile and even shed a few tears. (the cry baby club still is here).
I realized in those two plus years since our class, how much I have moved from the original intent and moved into more different spaces. The irony is; professionally, I am known as a "change agent" (word du jour)....and yet change personally, I still find resistance in. So I sit in my change, I look at it, smell it, try it on, if it fits, I wear it. And I look at others changes who did not have that luxury of time for their change through moving, babies, disease, and more...am curious on your feelings of change and having or not having time for change?
Pondering change and the need/desire/want/ of it.
most humbly in my first blog....ugh!
dee
Saturday, December 1, 2007
uhm...my first blog
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
12 comments:
Welcome Dee!!
It seems like a few of us of the Cry Baby Club are around here too! :)
You talk about change... and I just wrote a post about the same subject in my other blog, the one I write in Spanish. I guess I can take some of those posts, translate them and post them here too :)
I feel like I was just thrown into huge amounts of change, with little time to sit and think it over... baby, dramatic move, dropping career for a while... I do believe that sometimes, actually changing is much less painful that sitting around thinking about the possibility of change. You know, that silly fear of the unknown comes around and really gets in the way.
However, when the change is a personal/habit/thought or behavior pattern change, instead of a situational change, we're talking about a completely different ball game, and a much more complicated one. At least in my experience.
Situational change just takes guts, jumping into the river and learning to appreciate whatever life brings, however different it may be. Personal change takes motivation, discipline, inner strength and many other virtues that many times I just can't find anywhere. And so old shitty patterns keep on coming back once and again... Crap!
Gotta get back to dealing with my little change in diapers :)
Again, welcome. Big kiss for you!
Hey Dee!
My feelings about change: sad, glad , mad, scared. For me it's almost always a swirl of feelings.
And then if it's a change in personal/habit/thought pattern like Miriam says, I notice anticipation, excitement, anxiety, and resistance.
I think with my years of talking with people about how to start a new behavior (flossing) I know that a change in my behavior is usually accompanied by a change in my thinking/values, that it takes several weeks at least, and that patience with myself makes all the difference.
A mentor years ago said that at a choice point, I can choose to act on my feelings or my values. When I remember to remember this (!) it usually is helpful.
Thanks for the invitation to think about this Dee.
Great insight thank you!
Behavioral vs situational, feelings vs values.
My CCO side tends to push me to the "burning platform" from Connor, I think? But I have never fully bought that.
My values really do challenge my feelings. And my behavior can sometimes be co-dependent on the situation or vice versa...
This has my juices flowing not only from my own internal desire for change but also how to help companies ingage it change. For them: a situation arises....change happens, but behaviorally it is not in alignment. Values and feelings can either enhance or take change to a dragging halt.
Personally, pretty much all my close friends have moved or live in other states....situational.
I yearn for that physical connection.....value! My feelings are sadness and behaviorally I withdraw even further or become extremely whiney and bitchy! Yeah I am soooo sure someone will want to connect with that girl!!! LOL
I can see the path through the blizzard a little. Very cool.
Y'know, I was a little apprehensive about joining in with a bunch of therapists.....now, I think I owe you some bucks for a session!!! ;-)
I welcome others thoughts and feelings on this.....being a visual person, I see this as the four spokes of change....kinda like a medicine wheel.
What a vast topic...so many places to dive in, so many tangents to explore.
Mostly these days I observe change happening in tiny, brief moments, all adding up to something much bigger. Like when I sit down to write -- I commit to a few pages a day, and over the course of a month, I've filled a notebook. (Here's a tangent: remember those beautiful journals our 2nd years gave us at our final dinner? I now have about a dozen of those, some filled, some still blank and waiting...I LOVE those books. They have a neat little pocket at the back. For some reason that pocket makes me really happy.) Change that I initiate has something to do with commitment -- not commitment in the big scary yucky sense of the word, but tiny little baby steps that I ease into like easing my tired body into a warm, inviting pool -- I test the waters, feel my way into a gentle and safe space rather than hurling myself into a cold and bracing lake. So change is something about commitment, tiny steps, kindness toward self, and also letting in the organic juice of the universe, learning to trust the force that is waiting for me to take a step toward it.
Miriam mentioned the fear of the unknown. I think the way I've been able to create change lately has been to accept that that fear is going to be a companion, and take it along for the ride, too.
For me, change is about dancing with all these different parts -- fear, hope, excitement, dread, impatience, compassion, the unknown -- and giving each of them their time. Like being a good mom that listens to all her kids, even the whiny ones.
And by the way, not ALL of us are therapists, you know! :)
I like your beliefs about commitment! That is one more piece to add to this vast puzzle.
Baby steps is a hard one for me. I know it is what it "should" be, but my nature and patience level is polar opposite of this. What is that quote about "when I leave this earth...not to be a neat bundle, but a frazzled mess, smiling and say what a ride"? I can't remember the whole thing but I love it!
A brief comment about what change is like for me...change in location, occupation, or direction has always come very easy to me, I think that enables me to have a lack of commitment. When I think about the difficulty and pressure I put on myself to change within myself I become overwhelmed. That change is the hardest for me to face in the moment, even tho I know, I really know that I that something needs to be done, I need to take action,I freeze and think okay, one more day, I can do this for one more day, maybe tomorrow I'll go for it. (so much for brief) I have been going to a very good doctor here on the island. In the end he encouraged a change...in the beginning he did an incredible physical for me, tested everything...and for 41 I am in GREAT health. My blood, arteries, organs and such are all in terrific shape at normal or above. However, I hurt everywhere, I have headaches all the time...he said if he had to come up with a diagnosis he would call it "hypervigilent"...a multi tasker that just keeps adding to the mix because I've got to keep everything moving, going, responsibility for making things work. And, at the same time expecting the worst to happen. How do I change that? How do I take something off my plate? I like my mashed potatoes mixed with my corn and I don't mind if my salad dressing slides into my gravy...but my belly hurts when I've eaten it all because it was too much food! (it's the only way I could think to describe it) Anyway, I have to go...and now I want to erase this whole thing because I think it's off topic. But I won't. I'm off to work. Make it a great day.
Melissa, I loved your response. What I hear you say is if you keep changing alot, then you don't have to commit? Is that correct?
Working with companies in the high tech world, I think this is a very strong statement and have seen it happen.
I am starting to see a full spectrum here of what change is...AND there is more to unravel.
I was working with a group on Friday that wanted their leadership to change. I asked them what would they, the HR team do different to help facilitate the change......response: that is why you are here!!! LOL Kinda like the spouse wanting the other to change without any change themselves.
Another group is taking the baby steps approach and that seems to be working very well with them. (it is a state organization).
My current group is really into Kaizen menthodology and continuous improvement. Sounds great right???
They have improved and changed so rapidly, they forgot what the original focus/goal was. So they have more meetings to circle back and remember.
Neal said one thing as my mentor in LIOS that has really stuck through everything. "to go fast, go slow". Totally Dude!!!!
A while back, I was doing therapy with a LIOS alum. He very wisely said to me, "you seem like someone who is often looking ahead to see what the next piece of work will be. It's going to be important to stop and look around every so often to see what you've already done, to acknowledge and celebrate the work that's behind you as well as what's ahead."
I like to remember that from time to time.
Yes Dee,
If I am constantly changing then I don't have to commit. And Heidi, I also don't look around to see what it is I've already done. Part of that act is scary in itself, because "what if I haven't accomplished anything?" Then what? I'm almost to the point of wanting to stop and look around, I've got so many things going on in my life right now that something is going to step in and make me slow down and take a look and I think I am much more afraid of what that "something" might be. So, I think I'm going to choose to look for myself. Dee, I am constantly that spouse that is waiting for the other to change. oops...gotta go...more later
Dee the quote is-
"Life is not a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely, in a pretty and well preserved body. But rather to skid in braodside, thoroughly used up, totally worn out, and loudly proclaiming: WoW! What a ride!"
i don't know who it's from. I too remember Neal saying that "to go fast, slow down" and remind my self several times a week, a day?
And i too remind my self about appreciating what I am doing instead of fretting about what I want that's not happening now. I've been pay attention to loveing or not, and notice I don't notce much love, but sometimes I do in very little ways, like loving the beauty of certain colors, or the little old lady in the supermarket. Diving feet first into self love is a slow process for me.
love C.
Great discussion in here :)
I'm also a member of the "spouses that prefer their partner change" Club! Isn't it amazing how much energy we put into trying to change something we have no control over whatsoever? And how the effort that we put into that task distracts us so much from trying to change ourselves? I think that after 4 years of marriage, I'm now becoming ready to try a different approach :) How successful will I be? Who knows, but I'm hoping for the best :)
I have been for months now dealing with issues regarding accomplishment. Since April I am a stay-at-home mom, role which, believe me, after 20 years of being an independent working woman, is not easy to get used to. Housework is kind of like beading a necklace and forgetting to tie the know at the end of the string. You keep beading... and sweeping, and cooking, and doing laundry, and changing diapers... and when you think you're done and you have finally accomplished something... HA! the beads roll out the other side and you have to start all over again, forgetting once more to tie a knot at the end...
Truly, it's quite a learning process of appreciating the here and now, living the moment, and using the act of washing dishes or vacuuming as meditation time.
Christine, I really think that self-love is one of the most difficult processes for almost every human being on the planet. It may present in varying degrees and shapes, but it always seems easier to love others, to be compassionate to others, to be gentle to others... than to love ourselves or be compassionate and gentle toward ourselves. I've always found that I expect from myself things that I would consider unrealistic to expect from others. I am harder on myself than others... always.
Christine, just wanted to say that I really liked: "but sometimes I do in very little ways, like loving the beauty of certain colors, or the little old lady in the supermarket" -- I think this is true for me, too. And sometimes I think that it is enough, because even those tiny moments are so big, the way they can shift my mood instantly. The power of waking up in the moment and realizing that I am feeling love, right now. That is a big deal. I just read the play "Our Town" the other night, and it is all about this -- about how hard it is to just stop and feel and notice that we are here. I like knowing that someone else out there sometimes stops and notices the little old lady in the supermarket.
Post a Comment